For the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing this guy. However, for the majority of that time, I’ve been convincing myself that I’m into him, that I find him attractive, and I have no idea why. Surely, if I wasn’t happy in a relationship, I would end it (which I have done now, just FYI) but, there was something alluring about having someone find me alluring.
I am 18 and have never been kissed. I’m a big whopping virgin and, even now, have never really had a real relationship. So, when this guy asked for my number, and we started hanging out and going on dates, I was over the moon. Except, I wasn’t over the moon that a guy I liked had finally asked me out, I was just happy that someone had. I wasted both my time and his time over the past 3 or so weeks pretending to be invested in making this relationship into something official and real. But, I didn’t really want that. At least, not with him. I was enamored with the mere of idea of a loving, intimate relationship that I couldn’t see past the fact that I had no desire to be in that kind of relationship with this guy.
Why do brains do this? It’s not like I’m touch-starved and sobbing from loneliness, why does my brain feel the need to convince me that a relationship is something I need so badly that I should just fake feelings in order to get one? I mean sure, my self-esteem is closer to the gutter than the sky, and I get a little mopey sometimes, but I’m not one of those girls in a romcom, crying from how much I need a man in my life.
What do you guys think? Has this ever happened to you? If so, what did you do about it? Are you also a virgin at an age where everybody seems to not be? Give me your thoughts!