Brains Are Weird

For the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing this guy. However, for the majority of that time, I’ve been convincing myself that I’m into him, that I find him attractive, and I have no idea why. Surely, if I wasn’t happy in a relationship, I would end it (which I have done now, just FYI) but, there was something alluring about having someone find me alluring.

I am 18 and have never been kissed. I’m a big whopping virgin and, even now, have never really had a real relationship. So, when this guy asked for my number, and we started hanging out and going on dates, I was over the moon. Except, I wasn’t over the moon that a guy I liked had finally asked me out, I was just happy that someone had. I wasted both my time and his time over the past 3 or so weeks pretending to be invested in making this relationship into something official and real. But, I didn’t really want that. At least, not with him. I was enamored with the mere of idea of a loving, intimate relationship that I couldn’t see past the fact that I had no desire to be in that kind of relationship with this guy.

Why do brains do this? It’s not like I’m touch-starved and sobbing from loneliness, why does my brain feel the need to convince me that a relationship is something I need so badly that I should just fake feelings in order to get one? I mean sure, my self-esteem is closer to the gutter than the sky, and I get a little mopey sometimes, but I’m not one of those girls in a romcom, crying from how much I need a man in my life.

What do you guys think? Has this ever happened to you? If so, what did you do about it? Are you also a virgin at an age where everybody seems to not be? Give me your thoughts!

Cheers, Kat.


3 Replies to “Brains Are Weird”

  1. This was a pretty interesting story. This has happened to me. You basically felt good by saying someone wanted you and you were “seeing” someone. Therefore you were interested in thought of relationships. Which could be a factor to why things may have been rocky!

  2. I dated a guy when I was 19. I didn’t care for him and knew it was wrong. But I liked knowing that a guy liked me, ya know. I was always shy and invisible so his attention made me happy.
    Nothing physical ever happened between us. And over the course of the next year, guys kept showing interest…then immediately vanishing once they learnt I was a virgin.
    So I lost my virginity.
    And since learned that some guys attention I can do without. I learned, too late, that I traded my virginity to keep guys around.
    It’s nice, the attention. What’s nicer is realizing I don’t need validation from guys.

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